Department of Hot Gamer Girlfriend Acquisition

The Directorate for Science and Technology is the primary research and development arm of the Department. It provides federal, state and local officials with the technology and capabilities to improve the roleplaying experience and discover ways to make it more appealing to girls.

Internet Monitoring and Maintenance

Wil is the head of Internet Monitoring and Maintenance, coordinates a staff of half a dozen monkeys in not only keeping the Department of Hot Gamer Girlfriend Acquisition on the web, but monitoring the information superhighway for potential hot gaming babes.

Wil has been attached to the Directorate for Science and Technology shortly since it’s inception, though no one can find any offical paperwork as to when he was actually hired. However, that hasn’t stopped him from efficently running his computer lab with whirring precision, conducting nightly web survellience and research.

"The field of gaming chicks has expanded online, with the rise of massively multiplayer video games," said Wil in a rare press conference. "The appeal of these games has draw a great number of totally hot women into the world of gaming. Monitoring and tracking this expanding field is a full time job for me. I know, on paper, it looks like the government is paying me to playing video games all day... but it needs to be done... for America."

Press officials have regularly brought up the fact that Wil is not, in fact American. They claim he is actually a Canadian citizen, and not only has no right to be this deep in a federal agency, but has been conning the United States government in using tax payers dollars to support his slacker lifestyle.

"We take allegations such as these very seriously," commented one Directorate for Policy official. "We want to assure the American people that every penny going into this Department is a penny spent getting gaming geeks laid!" When asked why the issue has not been resolved despite such strong words, the official sheepishly admitted that all such grievances had to be submitted online... and reviewed by the Internet Monitoring and Maintenance staff.

"I’. hard at work leveraging the latest web savvy and internet buzzwords to maximize my ’get a girlfriend’ potential... and if that means I getting a paycheck for playing video games and surfing the web eight hours a day, well, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make!"
- Wil, 2005

This site maintained by Wil’s Ego. Support the DoHGGA so Wil can get a hot gamer girlfriend too!